Alone yet never lonely

Honestly, spending time alone is one of my favourite activities ever.
I can do what I want when I want. I am at peace and depend only on myself. Nobody’s affecting my mood, adding or subtracting from my peace. I get to be productive but work at my own pace. I’m spending time, money and energy on myself, and honestly, there’s no better feeling than that.

When you become so sure of yourself and sure that even left alone you’ll be fine, you stop participating in low-quality life experiences. You stop neglecting yourself, you stop spending your own time on people who don’t appreciate it and you’re not afraid to draw the line when someone’s pushing past the boundaries. You’re not afraid to set the tone or walk away if disrespected. The amount of confidence that’s built this way is astonishing.

Of course, it’s perfectly human to want to hang out with other people and seek relationships (both romantic and platonic), but I am a firm believer that to build quality relationships with other people, you first have to build one with yourself. To love other people, you have to love yourself first. To be of help to other people, you have to be of help to yourself first.

You want to have the ability to choose who you surround yourself with without the feeling of neediness. The only person you’ll ever need is yourself. Everyone else is just a plus. This is not to say that other people have no value for you, they absolutely do, however, everything, your whole perception of them and the world, in general, is subjective and it’s coming from deeply rooted beliefs that you have about yourself.

Before I continue, it is important to understand that to be able to happily spend time alone you have to put in the work into yourself!!

If I were to give a few tips on how to become more comfortable with being alone, these would be it:
1. start working on yourself and being productive
2. be selfish with your time and energy
3. choose to do things (that are out of your comfort zone) alone!!
4. limit the usage of social media
5. work out in a way that works with your body

So let's start..

1. start working on yourself and being productive
One of the reasons why you want to hang out with other people is because you have nothing better to do. You are bored. If you're not working on yourself, on your own life, you get bored a lot more easily and then you're surprised when you see that other people have their own lives when they tell you that they can't "hang out" because they're going to the gym, or maybe they have outside-of-school lessons. Working on yourself means taking care of your mind, body and soul. For your body - start exercising, for your mind - keep up with your school/work and for your soul - practice having hobbies that exclude prior two things. When you start practising these actions, you get less time in the day for boredom and less tolerance for what's not adding to your peace. You need less exterior satisfaction and aren't stressed if left alone. (you might even start preferring it..)

2. be selfish with your time and energy
Not everyone deserves your time and energy and that's how it sometimes is. I would much rather spend time alone than with people who don't make me feel good (whether that's directly or just their presence and persona). Your connections with other people should primarily be adding value to your life. If being around someone makes you feel uncomfortable to the point where you two being together is not a positive thing for you - it's time to go. Don't force yourself to be around people and in situations that don't make you feel good. I had a period when I felt pressured to go out; firstly, to fit in, and secondly, to make sure I don't "miss out". I'm not going to say that nothing good came out of it, however, in the end, it made me emotionally and mentally drained. Stop thinking about the Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO) and start fantasizing about all the productive things you could do in that spare time, for yourself, instead!! * You're not missing out on anything and if there are people who don't respect your decision to not do something - they won't be in your life for a long time, so you might as well block them out before it's too late. The fact that they don't understand your reasons for "missing out" says a lot about your mindset differences and you have to choose, either yourself or the need for approval from them.

*Btw, productivity is subjective. I'm not necessarily talking about typical activities such as working out or studying.. For you, productivity can mean practising a hobby or a different type of "going out"..

You are way too mature and self-aware to keep spending time and energy on people and situations that don't feed your mind, body or soul. When you accept that realization, choosing to happily spend time alone will become your second nature.

3. choose to do things (that are out of your comfort zone) alone
Doing stuff alone is refreshing. For example, if you choose to go to the mall alone, you get to listen to your favourite songs, chill, do what you want at your own pace, and find enjoyment in being in your own company. Next, I've seen Tiktok videos on how going to the cinema alone is a fulfilling activity and I couldn't agree more. I can see how going out to eat alone can be intimidating (I have to admit, I have yet to try this, it's on my bucket list for this year), however, going to the movies is truly one of the easiest ways to show yourself that doing things alone is not that big of a deal, and even more so - that's it's extremely enjoyable. If you start practising doing even little things alone and not waiting on other people to do them with you, I guarantee you'll feel calm at the idea of spending time by yourself extremely soon.
Again, this is not to say that wanting to spend time with other people is "bad", but the goal should be to be able to choose to spend time with others, not to need.

4. limit the usage of social media
Firstly, if you're not doing anything productive on social media, if you're not creating content, learning something new or connecting with people sincerely, you are wasting time. On top of that, you're most probably creating unnecessary insecurities by comparing yourself and your life to other people. This is lowering your self-esteem and increasing your FOMO. This makes you feel stressed and anxious for no reason. Do yourself a favour, put your phone down and pick up a hobby. Pick up a new book or finish your work. Go to the gym and focus on investing energy and time into yourself. Social media is similar to hanging out with people you don't like. It makes you feel drained, unhappy and not good enough. How are you going to love yourself if you're constantly putting yourself in situations that make you feel this way? Limit your usage, delete apps, give yourself a break and watch your life upgrade.

and finally,

5. work out in a way that works with your body (this is an ultimate confidence booster)
Working out promotes self-care. Prioritizing regular exercise is an act of self-care, which can help you cultivate a greater appreciation for yourself and your own needs. This can make it easier to enjoy spending time alone, as you'll have a stronger sense of self-worth. Sometimes it's not all about "journaling" and saying affirmations, sometimes you have to take action and consistently keep showing up for yourself, build discipline. Show yourself that you care and let yourself get to your highest potential.

Sometimes, it takes unnecessary situations or relationships to build the inner confidence that let's you know even you will be fine even if left alone. Once you realize that you too are capable of making yourself happy, this sense of peace will spread to other areas of your life. You will become more attractive to other people because when you like yourself, others see you the same way. Your confidence is evident, your energy magnetic, and you are respected more because you (more) easily set clear boundaries.

In addition, you'll also like spending time with the people you love more because you will start appreciating them more.

I'll stop there! Hope you found something inspiring for yourself, and if you haven't recently tried spending time alone - I hope this gave you something to think about.
With that being said, thank you for reading and see you next week!