It doesn't have to be complicated

I recently turned 19. (I know, I'm so grown up) And since I love giving advice and my best "tips", I thought I'd share 10 lessons I learned before turning 19. Hopefully at least one of these will be new to you or at least serve as a little reminder or a "reality check".

I'll be covering:
1. if you want - you can
2. you have to respect yourself before others can respect you
3. there are always flowers after the storm
4. choosing to be alone is way better than settling for relationships that aren't good for you
5. value your friends
6. the key to happiness is to make an effort to do more of the things/hobbies that bring you joy
7. you can party while staying healthy & and "on track"
8. the pain of moving on brings much more reward than the pain of staying
9. assert your problems head-on - don't run from them
10. start before you're ready

So, starting with..

1. If you want - you can
In December 2022 I was looking at some girl's Instagram and her stories, where she was sharing posts about how she will be "super rich" and have all these "luxuries" in her 20s, and I found myself judging! I'm a person who lives by the "golden rule" and I believe I have no reason to judge people like that, so I started wondering - why is this girl's mindset bothering me so much? And I realized - it was because I was selling myself SHORT!!!!! I had to step back and question myself on why don't I believe that I deserve "all the best in the world" as well!? No one is stopping me? I can be whoever I want! I can go out and get whatever I'm wishing for! I can do it!? I can dream big too! The same day I made a vision board and completely changed my perspective. Your beliefs about your life and about your capabilities will come true because you are acting according to them! If you change your beliefs, you will start to change your life!

2. you have to respect yourself before others can respect you
Very important. No matter if it's about relationships, friendships or simply work life. If you're constantly putting yourself down and showing others how little you think of yourself, sooner or later, they will believe you and start treating you accordingly. This one is your fault. It's tough, but it's true. Stand up for yourself. Work hard on yourself. Build up your confidence. Once you do that, and start respecting yourself enough to say "no", to "cut people out", to not laugh or say "it's okay" when you don't mean it - other people will start to catch up. Another little tip I would add to this is don't over-explain yourself when you know you shouldn't have to. It's disrespectful towards you if you keep on giving the wrong people enough power that they make you question and over-explain yourself. Stop it. And lastly, dress up. Everyone has their sense of style, but whatever it is, try your best to put yourself together in the morning. Wear your favourite clothes and put effort into doing your hair, nails, and makeup. None of that has to be dramatic. I like putting on mascara, not because I feel like "I need to", but rather because it makes me feel put together. When you look good, you feel good. It's a fact that translates to your self-perception, which then has a huge effect on your self-respect. Invest those few extra minutes in the morning to yourself. You'll be happy about the whole rest of the day.

3. there are always flowers after the storm
I learned this one a long time ago, but it was very worth mentioning. I know we all have our weak moments or periods when nothing's going according to plan, but as we all know, once that period passes, it makes it all worth it. Like after a breakup. It hurts mentally and physically, but once you get over it - you feel renewed. You find your spark again and somehow always end up upgrading your life. Whatever you might be going through, keep going, it will make sense and it will build you into who you're supposed to become. Also, don't compare journeys. Stay focused on your own path. That's the fastest way to achieving your goals!

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4. choosing to be alone is way better than settling for relationships that aren't good for you
This one goes hand in hand with the previously mentioned tips. Anyone who knows me or has been reading my blog knows how much I value my alone time and how I'd always much rather do things alone than settle for "a wrong person". Once you find your peace, you'll easily realize if someone is disturbing it and act accordingly. You claim your power and therefore nothing has a huge effect on you, either. You're simply alright no matter what. You know you can count on yourself and you stop seeking validation from others.

5. value your friends
After you find peace with being alone, and you don't waste time on people who aren't worth it, you'll start attracting people who will bring value into your life! Once you stop settling for relationships that in the long run aren't good for you, you'll make room for connections with people who will add to your life. And once you do, do your best to keep the connection. Sometimes it's easier to say "I don't need anyone, I'm good on my own", but then it's New Year's Eve and you feel lonely. It's Christmas and you feel alone. You can't have close and healthy relationships with people if you're not putting in the effort. Be the friend you'd like to have.

6. the key to happiness is to make an effort to do more of the things/hobbies that bring you joy
An obvious one that we often neglect. Sure, scrolling on social media or watching TV brings you dopamine spikes which make you feel good in the moment, but those aren't the things that will bring you joy in the long run. What did you used to love when you were younger? When you were a kid? What is that little hobby you used to have, but don't anymore because you "don't have time"? For me, I've always loved going for evening walks with the sunset. I love finding my place on a rocky beach and spending at least 10 minutes looking at the sea, sky and the Sun. Afterwards, I always feel recharged and, in a way, clean. I feel like my brain has been reset. As if the fresh air cleared out my mind completely! It used to take me from 30 minutes up to an hour (when I didn't have much free time) to drive to the beach, find my spot and soak in the sunset. After that, I would get home and without fail, finish all the work that I'd been putting off the whole day. At first, I had to put in the effort to get dressed, get out of the house, drive myself to the beach, walk and sit undisturbedly for 10 minutes. However, in the long run it made me the happiest I've been in the longest time. It helped me find my spark and I started to truly feel like myself again. It grounded me and even helped with my productivity. What I'm trying to say is - your little hobby can be as simple as looking at the sunset. Invest those 10 to 30 minutes (at least) of each day to do something good for your soul. It will pay off tremendously.

7. you can party while staying healthy & and "on track"
I used to not go out "to party" because I didn't feel like it was rewarding enough for me to do so. However, this Summer I decided I wanted to experience the nightlife a little more. What I found to be the key to going out, but also staying on track with your goals was not letting "the night" ruin your next day. I would go out, drink, and have fun, but the next morning I would get up around the same time as usual, go for a swim, reset myself and go on about my day. Sometimes I would even be more productive after a night out because I would put in the extra effort to do everything as I had planned. And this resulted in me having the most amazing Summer this year:) I'd like to add you shouldn't feel pressured to "go out" if you don't feel like it, but don't get stuck in the mindset of trying to live a "perfectly healthy" lifestyle. Always give it your best, but let yourself choose to have fun, too;)

8. the pain of moving on brings much more reward than the pain of staying
Ahh, one of my favourite ones! I used to be in a relationship (in general, not looking at it as romantic nor platonic) which started great (as most do), but slowly developed into something that became more detrimental than rewarding to my mental health and life in general. At one point, I realized, there was nothing this person could do for me to say "This is too much, I'm leaving". I realized that no matter what they did, I'd find an excuse and I'd try to work it out. At that point, finally, I saw my exit. Even though you might know someone well, care about them, and no matter how much you love them, the pain from moving on will at some point pass (!!!!!!), while the "pain" of staying will never! That is unless drastic changes come into place, and in most situations that is not the case. So get out before it's too late. Nothing lasts forever. Don't ever force things! Learn when it's time to leave. And don't be scared to do so. It's either the pain of growth or the pain of staying stuck in the same place.

9. assert your problems head-on - don't run from them
Did you know that buffaloes run into the storm instead of away from it? They learnt that when running away from the storm, they end up spending more time under the clouds than if they ran towards it. They learnt that the best way to "be done with the rain" is to run straight into it! That's honestly a reference that gets me going when I don't feel like working. The longer you prolong your obligations the more weight they hold. Imagine you got everything done as soon as it was assigned to you. Okay, I have to be honest, I don't always follow that principle, but I've been trying my best and it has been paying off! I know it's mentally hard to start something. That's why we procrastinate, but as soon as you do, most of the mental weight disappears. The hardest thing is to just start. Afterwards everything follows! Also, the harder you work and the braver you are the luckier you get. Give it a try.

And the last one for the first part..

10. start before you're ready
START BEFORE YOU KNOW "IT ALL"!!! I get it, you want to lower your risks of failing by researching and overthinking everything as much as possible, but the thing is - you'll never be ready "enough". There will always be something you don't know. It's extremely easy to get stuck in the habit of consuming, but not taking action. If you have a goal or a vision - do *some* research, but don't wait to know every little detail before starting. You will never be able to know all of it before you start. There are so many things you have yet to learn about, and so much information you'd spend too much time worrying about that doesn't even matter! Take the first step. You'll be good. Even if you fail, it's not over until you say it is. You can always analyze and pick up where you left off. Start the assignment, start the project, and start your business. You'll learn on the way.

As always, thank you for reading! Hope you found something useful! <3

PS for early readers, this was supposed to be a 2 part post, but unfortunately I lost the document with all my content so I'll leave the other topics for future, separate posts ;(